My Glittering Spiral

2012-01-23T19:01:00.001-05:00

I've been trying to get all my old pics off my computer. I need to be more organized. They ended up all over the place. Go figure.

2012-01-13T16:33:00.003-05:00

Seem to be having a rough start this year.
Nothing ever seems to be easy or going right.
I take comfort in the Lord's Kingdom.
Life will steal things away and hope is all I have left.

Edner is Alive!!!

2011-01-26T11:19:00.002-05:00

I seen Edner today. I was scared. I took a deep breath and spoke to her as she mumbled something I couldn't understand.. same old Edner.

2011-01-23T11:24:00.001-05:00

Doctor Visit

2011-01-10T11:36:00.001-05:00

I ended up at the Doctors today. I'm glad to report I'm still alive.

A Long December

2010-12-29T11:22:00.002-05:00

A long December and there's reason to believe that maybe this year will be better than the last... I can't remember all the times ive tried to tell myself to hold on to these moments as they pass

Choices

2010-12-25T17:33:00.005-05:00

We all make choices.

2010-08-22T21:18:00.004-04:00

Pressed Flowers Summer 2010

Dad's Bday

2010-08-21T20:58:00.000-04:00

I still smell you...

I still smell you
I still hear your laugh in my ear
Your golden rain, your gentle ways.

A rock, a shield, a star.
You still shine to me.

I love you Dad.

2010-05-07T14:48:00.004-04:00

I don't care

This says it all...

2010-04-27T17:54:00.000-04:00

Road to Nowhere

2010-04-27T16:53:00.003-04:00

When relationships are built on deception and lies

Tea Party

2010-04-27T16:44:00.008-04:00

This is Alan Keyes. He was a key speaker at the Boiling Springs Tea Party in Boiling Springs South Carolina. They say the TEA Party members are a bunch of racists! Go figure.

Rick and Dale @ the TEA Party

Put a Candle in the Window

2009-12-13T14:56:00.007-05:00

It's been over a year since i last posted.

Life is what it is.
What I have made it, and what I have not made it.
It's always changing and yet it's always the same.
I'm still working and trying to enjoy the clay.

crackercat

2009-06-05T20:01:00.000-04:00

Mojo

2008-10-19T20:42:00.001-04:00

You've broke my heart joe...You will be missed dearly. <33333

RIck

2008-08-21T16:42:00.001-04:00

Edner and the River

2008-08-21T16:17:00.003-04:00

She Comes

She goes....

No sense

2008-05-06T04:48:00.003-04:00

We loaded the kiln tonight and on Wednesday we will find out what all our precious little pieces look like. I'm excited this time but I'm having a hard time showing it.

Spring is in the air

2008-03-06T12:44:00.006-05:00

It's been a busy winter. I've been working like mad. I have my uncle, who is dying, living with me. His liver is failing, he has cancer, and a cyst on his lung. The doctors have given him anywhere from 6 months to 2 years. It's very sad. For a man dying, and suffering, he actually get around and still is a pain in the ass. Tom will never change. Not a lot going on at the Pottery Shop. I miss it. I can't wait to get things going. I have such big hopes.

Open House

2007-12-02T00:27:00.003-05:00

Well it's finally over! I'll have some pictures to post tomorrow hopefully. It was a long but good day. I enjoyed myself and actually sold some of my pieces!

Open House

2007-12-02T00:27:00.001-05:00

Well it's finally a memory and a great one at that! I'll have some pictures to post tomorrow hopefully. It was a long but good day. I enjoyed myself and actually sold some of my pieces. Vanessa and Ron both sold lots of stuff and I do believe everyone was happy at the results. The barn looked so neat all lit up. I hope that I'll be invited to join in the fun again!

I was somewhat surprised that Kay did not show up today. I really thought that she would come if only to talk my ear off about Dana, she's normally that way.. I guess maybe she did pick up on my tone in the email. That takes a lot of pressure off me. I need a break from the chaotic mess that is her life. The mind is a powerful enabler in times of trouble isn't it? We can make ourselves believe almost anything. It really amazes me how laid back she is about losing her children. Kay told me in the last email that she's afraid she might not be able to keep this one. Don't know why that would be, don't care to know, but somehow already do? Did that make sense?

It's been stressful the last few days. There's been so much on my mind and so much going on that I can't make my mind stop. I'm having extremely restless sleep too when I do sleep which isn't helping. I've had this problem for what seems to be forever and it comes and goes. It's been a few years though since the last duration. The only way I can describe it is that it's like being fully awake but slightly dosing. I'm dosing in slow-wave sleep. Going back and forth between Alpha and Theta. Not at all going into REM. The last time this happened it lasted for nearly 1 week. I wish I knew for certain what causes it. It sure doesn't help with DSPS but it worries me some after reading about a fatal sleep disorder where you are unable to fall into REM and eventually it will kill you. Luckily for me it comes and goes.

There's strange things in the air. I feel something coming. Don't worry though, I'll dress warm :)

The link below is pretty cool.

When I die I want to be a diamond and given to someone that will love me.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk_news/story/0,3604,1361676,00.html

2007-11-19T09:33:00.000-05:00

This bowl was done by Susan Freeman.

I've been up for several hours, if you can believe that, and have managed to get nothing done, except 3 cups of coffee. My tummy hurts. I thought about starting a new blog just for the pottery but I've decided to just transform this one. The last thing I need is another blog. I have several already and they get neglected.

I've added a new link: Ron Ponce Pottery. Check it out!

We fire the kiln on friday. I CAN'T WAIT! I'm excited to see all my pieces. V has said I'm a natural but I think she's the natural! All her new stuff looks really good. I'm proud of my Mams :) I've been somewhat scared of the wheel. I much rather hand build, for now anyway.

Hope everyone is well out there. <3

Busy Bees

2007-11-08T00:35:00.001-05:00

I'm excited. We've been very busy getting things together. I was a little worried that it wasn't going to happen! Most of the time I leave wondering if I will ever be back.

2007-10-25T05:09:00.002-04:00

I want to take a ride this weekend and enjoy peak week. It's been a couple of years, at least, since I've been up to the Blue Ridge Parkway. I just love this time of year. Things are changing..we're always changing..it does not bother me to say.
I've been working in the Pottery Shop all week. I'm excited. I can't wait to get everything done.

2007-10-12T14:08:00.001-04:00

Shine baby Shine

Skylight

2007-10-04T00:46:00.003-04:00

We slept outside in a tent. First time in ten years! The tent had a skylight and falling asleep to the stars was just perfect. Mr Ponce and me sat up way too late talking and drinking coffee

I'm still waiting for the rush, 'The feeling of health, the full-noon trill'

At the festival a potter by the name of Annie Van Every gave me one of her pieces that a woman had refused to pay for after she chipped it. It touched me.

I'm still whirling about it. I think she was trying to inspire me. It was nice after Wendy.

My First Firing

2007-09-27T02:55:00.001-04:00

Just thinking

2007-09-21T02:23:00.001-04:00

I spent most the day outside today trying to enjoy all my
hard work this spring before it is gone.

I have a lot to do before old man winter comes, outside and in.
I must get ready.

I Wanted to Be Wrong

2007-09-20T02:29:00.000-04:00

You know where I come from
You know what I feel
You're Yul Brenner Westworld
Reporting from the field.
I threw it into reverse,
Made a motion to repeal.
You kicked my legs from under me,
And tried to take the wheel.

I told you I wanted to be wrong,
But everyone is humming a song
That I don't understand.

Now I know that the sun has shined on my side of the street.
The basket of America, the weevils and the wheat.
The milk and honeyed congregation, scrubbed and apple-cheeked
Salute Apollo 13 from the rattle jewelry seats.

Mythology's seductive and it turned a trick on me
That I have just begun to understand.

The rodeo is staged, gold circle goat-ropers and clowns.
A rumble in the third act, tie 'em up and burn 'em down.
We're armed to the teeth, born a little breech;
Blue-plate special analysts, cells and SUV's

We can't approach the Allies 'cause they seem a little peeved
And speak a language we don't understand.

I told you I wanted to be wrong
But everyone is humming a song
That I don't understand.

(Prop up The Omega Man, we're primed for victory,
God gave us the upper hand, there's honor among thieves.
Temper it with arrogance, a dash of sad conceit.
The top's down on the T-Bird, we're the children of the free)

Storm into the boardroom of the conquering elite.
Did you recognize the madman who is shouting in the streets?
Destroy the things that I don't understand
Destroy the things that I don't understand

Immigrants

2007-09-19T19:44:00.000-04:00

Theodore Roosevelt's ideas on Immigrants and being an AMERICAN in 1907.

"In the first place, we should insist that if the immigrant who comes here in good faith becomes an American and assimilates himself to us, he shall be treated on an exact equality with everyone else, for it is an outrage to discriminate against any such man because of creed, or birthplace, or origin. But this is predicated upon the person's becoming in every facet an American, and nothing but an American...There can be no divided allegiance here. Any man who says he is an American, but something else also, isn't an American at all. We have room for but one flag, the American flag... We have room for but one language here, and that is the English language... and we have room for but one sole loyalty and that is a loyalty to the American people."
Theodore Roosevelt 1907

Every American citizen needs to read this!

The River

2007-09-08T18:57:00.001-04:00

You have to look close at this one!

I love the yellow ones They must be smarter than all the rest ;)

Little flower from the river.

Hanky taking a nap in the window

Flora flourishing.

There is place down on North Cambells Bridge Road, where, if you are in the know, you can hike down to the river and find yourself lost in another world. I have been going frequently lately. There's a cetain peace that lingers in the air and the air seems cleaner, almost nourishing to the soul. Cleansing.
One day it will be no longer so I take each visit and hold it near to my heart.

Grief is good

2007-09-07T19:47:00.001-04:00

I discovered a blog devoted to writing your feeling's out to someone that you have lost. It was around my Father's birthday so I decided to submit a little something. You can check it out by hitting the link above. It's titled 'i still smell' - lol, I did not name it that.

My Mister

2007-09-02T01:02:00.001-04:00

Here are a couple of pictures of Rick from Vacation <3

I was on #29 when there was a knock on the door. INTrUDERS! Rick and I both looked at each other with wide eyes and disappointment soon sank in. I came right out and opened my big fat mouth and spoke before I really thought about what I was saying. grrrr..blame it on the stars - 2 more days.

Friday Night

2007-08-31T21:29:00.001-04:00

The spring comes slow.
There is not much to it anymore.
Catch a breeze.
Catch a vice.
Let me see what's inside you
Open up, let's go for a ride.
Diamonds and hearts,
open and sided.
Along for a thrill,
along for a lifetime.
Your style,
your bended knee.
Sleep amoung the wild,
tricks and shine
come so easily.
I wanted to provoke you
A whisper going deep and sinking slow.

I read recently it's blogger tradition for the 100 post to be 100 things about yourself post. I did not know this. No one informed.

Mother Teresa

2007-08-26T16:17:00.004-04:00

I'm officially in withdrawel. I havent been to the pot shop in two weeks.Here's a few more pics from the beach:

Another photo taken at Fort Macon, NC

Pencil sketch of Rick:

Chele Crab

2007-08-25T14:18:00.001-04:00

Thought this picture I took at the beach perfectly describes my feel tonight. We are back from NC. We had a blast. We ended up staying an extra week. We were scrapping up change on the way home. Of course we couldn't make it home without something going wrong... The truck's ball joint was damaged somehow and we had to tow the truck back home. It's good to be home.

Vacation Pics

2007-08-23T20:24:00.000-04:00

We just got back from vacation!

This is Atlantic Beach, Nc...wonderful place!

Picture we had taken at Carowinds.

This is the trail that leads to Fort Macon.

The Pot Shop

2007-08-23T19:55:00.001-04:00

Finally some pictures of the Pottery Shop.

This is my work station

I want

2007-07-31T18:02:00.002-04:00

I've been feeling very restless lately.

Things are coming kinda slow in the pottery shop. But I'm having a lot of fun doing it. I never realized the process is a slow one, ..at the pot shop. At times I wonder why I put myself through their childish ways, and diluted games.

VISUAL DNA

2007-07-25T13:06:00.000-04:00

Check it out, it's super cool. I <3 it! Tried to get it working on the side of my template but don't have the time to do it right now, The link is included above.

2007-07-01T21:12:00.001-04:00

My first nite in the Pot Shop was a blast. Centering will take me awhile to get but I know already that I love it! The first pot I threw actually looked pretty good! I'll be adding all the pics soon. We are heading back tonight and I hope that all goes well. It's much cooler in the evening so we decided to have at it. We have more pugging to do

2007-06-28T17:53:00.000-04:00

Not a lot to say today, just a day like any other.
It's way too hot and being outside today has drained me.
I've been having Japanese Beetle problems. I've tried everything,
and when all natural remedies fail, buy poison. I would like them
all to die now and soon. If you only knew! We've been really busy getting
the studio ready. Tonight we are heading down to the shop. Finally I get
to play! <33333333 Take care <3

Lots of Watering

2007-06-23T17:17:00.002-04:00

Planting pumkins and goards is a full time job.
We started a little late but all the goards came up I sure hope they reach maturity. The river can be a hard place in this heat.

New EasyShare <3

2007-06-09T15:54:00.000-04:00

My birthday was on Tuesday and the man bought me a new dig camera. <3
Now I'll be able to share more photos! Aren't you all just thrilled?
Here's my little boston terrier! He's a pain the ass but I heart him. Isn't he cute?

Still here :)

2007-06-05T13:14:00.001-04:00

No matter the time or distance things just stay the same and
I'm alright with that, for now.

<3333333333

Me

2007-06-02T01:28:00.000-04:00

2007-05-13T16:48:00.002-04:00

Mr. P have invited me to learn pottery! I can't wait to start! So, I was thinking that this fall I'll do that and head back to school next year. I really think that this could be something wonderful.

Hmmmm

2007-02-11T16:29:00.001-05:00

Rick's Mother passed away. He's been down. I've tried to do my best to be supportive. I hope that I have been some help.

Denver News

This text is from a county emergency manager out in the western part of Jefferson County after a snowstorm.

WEATHER BULLETIN
Up here, in the Northern Plains, we just recovered from a Historic event; may I even say a "Weather Event" of "Biblical Proportions" --- with a historic blizzard of up to 44" inches of snow and winds to 90 MPH that broke trees in half, knocked down utility poles, stranded hundreds of motorists in lethal snow banks, closed ALL roads, isolated scores of communities and cut power to 10's of thousands.

FYI:

George Bush did not come.

FEMA did nothing...No one howled for the government.

No one blamed the government.

No one even uttered an expletive on TV.

Jesse Jackson or Al Sharpton did not visit.

Our Mayor did not blame Bush or anyone else.

Our Governor did not blame Bush or anyone else, either.

CNN, ABC, CBS, FOX or NBC did not visit - or report on this category 5

snowstorm. Nobody demanded $2,000 debit cards.f

No one asked for a FEMA Trailer House.

No one looted.

Nobody - I mean Nobody demanded the government do something.

Nobody expected the government to do anything, either.

No Larry King, No Bill O'Rielly, No Oprah, No Chris Mathews and No Geraldo Rivera.

No Shaun Penn, No Barbara Streisand, No Hollywood types to be found.

Nope, we just melted the snow for water.

Sent out caravans of SUV's to pluck people out of snow engulfed cars.

The truck drivers pulled people out of snow banks and didn't ask for a penny.

Local restaurants made food and the police and fire departments

delivered it to the snowbound families.

Families took in the stranded people - total strangers.

We fired up wood stoves, broke out coal oil lanterns or Coleman lanterns.

We put on extra layers of clothes because up here it is "Work or Die".

We did not wait for some affirmative action government to get us out of

a mess created by being immobilized by a welfare program that trades votes

for 'sittin at home' checks.

Even though a Category "5" blizzard of this scale has never fallen this

early, we know it can happen and how to deal with it ourselves.

In my many travels, I have noticed that once one gets north of about

40 degrees North Latitude, 90% of the world's social problems evaporate.

It does seem that way, at least to me.F

I hope this gets passed on.
Maybe SOME people will get the message. The world does Not owe you a living.

Drugs

2007-01-06T20:58:00.001-05:00

The Drug Problem in America

The other day, someone at a store in our town read that a methamphetamine lab had been found in an old farmhouse in the adjoining county and he asked me a rhetorical question, ''Why didn't we have a drug problem when you and I were growing up?''

I replied: "I had a drug problem when I was young":

I was drug to church on Sunday morning.

I was drug to church for weddings and funerals.

I was drug to family reunions and community socials no matter the weather.

I was drug by my ears when I was disrespectful to adults.

I was also drug to the woodshed when I disobeyed my parents, told a lie, brought home a bad report card, did not speak with respect, spoke ill of the teacher or the preacher, or if I didn't put forth my best effort in everything that was asked of me.

I was drug to the kitchen sink to have my mouth washed out with soap if I uttered a profane four-letter word.

I was drug out to pull weeds in mom's garden and flower beds and cockleburs out of dad's fields.

I was drug to the homes of family, friends, and neighbors to help out some poor soul who had no one to mow the yard, repair the clothesline, or chop some firewood;
and, if my mother had ever known that I took a single dime as a tip for this kindness, she would have drug me back to the woodshed.

Those drugs are still in my veins; and they affect my behavior in everything I do, say, and think. They are stronger than cocaine, crack, or heroin; and, if today's children had this kind of drug problem, America would be a better place.

~author unknown~

*Thanks Amy <3

Day after Christmas

2006-12-25T15:37:00.000-05:00

It was the day after Christmas at a church in San Francisco. The pastor of the church was looking over the cradle when he noticed that the baby Jesus was missing from among the figures.

Immediately he turned and went outside and saw a little boy with a red wagon, and in the wagon was the figure of the little infant, Jesus. So he walked up to the boy and said, "Well, where did you get Him, my fine friend?" The little boy replied, "I got him from the church." "And why did you take him?"

The boy said, "Well, about a week before Christmas I prayed to the little Lord Jesus and I told him if he would bring me a red wagon for Christmas I would give him a ride around the block in it.

2006-12-10T20:16:00.002-05:00

My new boss is a theater major....just lovely. The last thing I need is more drama in my life. Things have been going really good for a change. My art is going well and things seem to be moving in the right direction.

A New

2006-11-28T19:28:00.001-05:00

It always appears slow
Lightheadedness

A quick blow

With expressions that expel
A vibrancy that propels

I’m thinking I can start fresh today
A new day, positive flow

From the tips of my fingers
Till nothing else lingers but
Precious time

It lays at the door and waits

No wrong turns only small distractions

I am comforted by the leaves that fall
I am lonely among the new bulbs of spring

A New

The lining is bright and it grows,
as
the golden hair of child I can not forget

They are lost to me
As you, stealing softy

Into a peach colored sky
And I ask myself, how do I say goodbye?
*

I've been feeling extremely emotional lately. Due mostly in part to the holidays coming up and not having Dad around. It's hard this time of year.

The husband and I have really made some progress. He's working steady now. It's made such a huge difference, heck, I don't have to tell you that!
I can breath again.

He's trying to fit Christ into his life. I think it's so great and I can not even begin to tell you how extremely happy that makes me.

The Greatness of America

2006-10-15T18:30:00.000-04:00

Early in the nineteenth century the French statesman, Alexander de Tocqueville, made a study of democracy in our country and wrote as follows.....
"I sought for the greatness and genius of Amercia in her commodious harbors and her ample rivers, and it was not there.
"I sought for the greatness and genius of America in her fertile fields and bounless forests, and it was not there.
"I sought for the greatness and genius of America in her rich mines and her vast world commerce, and it was not there.
"I sought for the greatness and genius of Amercia in her public school system and her institutions of learning, and it was not there.
"I sought for the greatness and genius of America in her democractic congress and her matchless constitution, and it was not there.

"Not until I went into the churches of Amercia and heard her pulpits flame with righteousness did I understand the secret of her genius and power.

"America is great because America is good, and if America ever ceases to be good, America will cease to be great."

A little reflection with what's old and familiar and what's crisp and gold.

I've been working a lot lately. Drowning myself more like it. I can't seem to find a happy medium.
I love the cooler weather. I come alive in the fall, always have. I feel like I can take on the world. I just hope it's enough to carry me through the winter and on into spring.

I'll be praying for you all. <3

An Ode to America <3333

2006-09-16T20:45:00.000-04:00

Romainian Newspaper Article:

~An Ode to America~

Why are Americans so united? They would not resemble one another even if you painted them all one color! They speak all the languages of the world and form an astonishing mixture of civilizations and religious beliefs. Still, the American tragedy turned three hundred million people into a hand put on the heart.
Nobody rushed to accuse the White House, the army, and the secret services that they are only a bunch of losers. Nobody rushed to empty their bank accounts. Nobody rushed out onto the streets nearby to gape about. The Americans volunteered to donate blood and to give a helping hand.
After the first moments of panic, they raised their flag over the smoking ruins, putting on T-shirts, caps and ties in the colors of the national flag. They placed flags on buildings and cars as if in every place and on every car a government official or the president was passing.

On every occasion, they started singing their traditional song: "God Bless America!" I watched the live broadcast and rerun after rerun for hours listening to the story of the guy who went down one hundred floors with a woman in a wheelchair without knowing who she was, or of the Californian hockey
player, who gave his life fighting with the terrorists and prevented the plane from hitting a target that could have killed other hundreds or thousands of people.
How on earth were they able to respond united as one human being?
Imperceptibly, with every word and musical note, the memory of some turned into a modern myth of tragic heroes. And with every phone call, millions and millions of dollars were put in a collection aimed at rewarding not a man or a family, but a
spirit, which no money can buy.
What on earth can unite the Americans in such a way? Their land? Their galloping history? Their economic Power? Money? I tried for hours to find an answer,
humming songs and murmuring phrases with the risk of sounding commonplace I thought things over, but I reached only one conclusion... Only freedom can work such miracles.

Cornel Nistorescu

Christmas Cards

2006-09-01T17:55:00.000-04:00

( I heart this )

Fun with the ACLU.....
Wanna have some fun this CHRISTMAS? Send the ACLU a CHRISTMAS CARD this
year.

As they are working so very hard to get rid of the CHRISTMAS part of this holiday, we should all send them a nice, CHRISTIAN, card to brighten up
their dark, sad, little world.

Make sure it says "Merry Christmas" on it Here's the Address, just don't
be rude or crude. (It's Not the Christian Way, you know!)

ACLU
125 Broad Street 18th Floor
New York, NY 10004

Two tons of Christmas cards would freeze their operations because they
wouldn't know if any were regular mail containing contributions. So spend
39 cents and tell the ACLU to leave Christmas alone. Also tell them that
there is no such thing as a "Holiday Tree". . . . It's a Christmas Tree
even in the fields!!

And pass this on to your email lists. We really want to communicate with
the ACLU! They really DESERVE us!!!

What can I say?

Not a lot going on....just living.
I start my new job this Tuesday. Wish me luck!!!! ....I'm going to need it.

What the hell is wrong with me?

PAUL HARVEY'S ON AIR PRAYER

2006-08-14T20:38:00.000-04:00

I don't know if you have seen this before. It is a good one though!
THIS GUY SURE HAS A GOOD VIEW OF WHAT'S HAPPENING TO THIS COUNTRY!

"Heavenly Father, we come before you today to ask your forgiveness and to seek your direction and guidance."

"We know Your Word says, "Woe to those who call evil good," but that is exactly what we have done.

We have lost our spiritual equilibrium and reversed our values.

We have exploited the poor and called it the lottery.

We have rewarded laziness and called it welfare.

We have killed our unborn and called it choice.

We have shot abortionists and called it justifiable

We have neglected to discipline our children and called it building

self esteem.

We have abused power and called it politics.

We have coveted our neighbor's possessions and called it ambition.

We have polluted the air with profanity and pornography and called it freedom of expression.

We have ridiculed the time-honored values of our forefathers and called it enlightenment.

Search us, Oh God, and know our hearts today; cleanse us from every sin and Set us free. Amen!"

Commentator Paul Harvey aired this prayer on his radio program, "The Rest of the Story," and received a larger response to this program than any other he has ever aired. With the Lord's help, may this prayer sweep over our nation and wholeheartedly become our desire so that we again can be called "One nation under God."

If possible, please pass this prayer on to your friends. "If you don't stand for something, you will fall for everything."

Think about this: If you forward this prayer to everyone on your e-mail list, it would be heard by the world.

One Nation Under God !!!!!!!

True Friendship

2006-08-04T14:11:00.002-04:00

Still no Scratch.

I dream of him all the time still. Now though in my dreams I'll spot him as he's climbing over a fence and I run to get him but he slips away..I miss that cat.

Getting everything settled in the new house.

True Friendship... None of that sissy crap included.

Well ...read on!

1. When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.

2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3. When you smile -- I will know you finally got laid.

4. When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it every chance I get.

5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.

6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.

7. When you are sick -- Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.

8. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

9. This is my oath..... I pledge it to the end. "Why?" you may ask; "because you are my friend".

Perspective

2006-07-28T15:57:00.000-04:00

Something to put things in perspective...

After a forest fire in
Yellowstone National Park

The forest rangers began their trek up a mountain to assess the inferno's damage.

One ranger found a bird
literally petrified in ashes,
perched statuesquely on the
ground at the base of a tree.

Somewhat sickened by the eerie sight,
he knocked over the bird with a stick.

When he gently struck it,
three tiny chicks scurried from
under their dead mother's wings.

The loving mother,
keenly aware of impending disaster,
had carried her offspring to the base
of the tree and had gathered them
under her wings, instinctively knowing that the toxic smoke would rise.

She could have flown to safety but
had refused to abandon her babies.

Then the blaze had arrived and the heat had scorched her small body.

The mother had remained steadfast.
She had been willing to die,
so those under the cover of her wings would live.

"He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge." (Psalm 91:4)

Being loved this much should make a difference in your life.

Remember the One who loves you,
and then be different because of it.

I'll Fly Away

2006-07-26T17:37:00.000-04:00

D
Some bright morning when this life is o'er

G " " " " " D
I will fly away
D
To a home on God's celestial shore
A " " " D
I will fly away

D
I will fly away oh glory
G ' ' ' ' 'D
I will fly away
D
When I die Hallelujah by and by
D A" " " " D
I will fly away

D
When the shadows of this life have gone
G " " " " "D
I will fly away
D
Like a bird from these prison walls I'll fly
D A " " " "D
I will fly away

D
I will fly away oh glory
G" " " " " D
I will fly away
D
When I die Hallelujah by and by
D A " " " "D
I will fly away

D
Oh how glad and happy when we meet
G " " " " "D
I will fly away
D
No more cold iron shackles on my feet
D A" " " " D
I will fly away

D
I will fly away oh glory
G " " " " "D
I will fly away
D
When I die Hallelujah by and by
D A " " " "D
I will fly away

D
Just a few more weary days and then
G " " " " D
I will fly away
D
To a land where joys will never end
D A" " " " D
I will fly away

D
I will fly away oh glory
G " " " " "D
I will fly away
D
When I die Hallelujah by and by
D A" " " " D
I will fly away

I WILL FLY AWAY CHORD CHART
|D |D |G |D |D |D |D A |D |

Free Time

2006-07-24T19:09:00.001-04:00

Someone tell me that it's ok for me to want to 'get away' and be by myself. He makes me feel
so darn guilty....

LOVE IS

2006-07-22T01:28:00.002-04:00

Love is the poetry of the senses.

No boundaries

no walls, no chains and no fences.

There are many things in

this life I cant control.

I put on my face

and go with the flow.

Ive searched high and low.

Ive searched far and wide.

I pray and I hoped

but yet you still hide.

There's a blue

in the air.

Sharks near the shores.

A deep yearning inside me

and holes in the floor.

My thoughts are untame,

no boundaries

no walls.

Only long open roads

and one crystal clear ball.

Dreams to keep

some to throw away.

A sky full of clouds

the dawn of a new day.

Sailing right on through

drifting past the lavender

and over the fences

and finally understanding

"love is the poetry of the senses."

'love is the poetry of the senses' is a quotation from ------

South Tyger River

2006-07-19T21:40:00.002-04:00

I'm missing Scratchy Can something awful.

Today I asked this little boy, no older than five or six how is summer vacation was going. He replied, not too good. So, naturally I asked him why, and he said "Because I have a girlfriend" I chuckled of course and he looked at his father and said "See, nobody understands"

It seemw like I have awoke from that foggy but ever so familiar dream.
I feel forsaken.
I've been chain smoking marlboro reds and wishing I was far away...

I had a dream:

We were pushing it to the
South Tyger River

Sultry with a mix of thick layers of mosquitos.
gently guiding me to your secret escape.
Slowly flowing clouds in the painted sky.
dreamy and thirsty I reached out to fate.

You stand there laughing.
I sit down to cry.

A Bit of Advice

2006-07-16T23:38:00.000-04:00

ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.

THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.

FOUR. When you say, "I love you," mean it.

FIVE. When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.

SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.

SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.

EIGHT Never laugh at anyone's dream. People who don't have dreams don't have much.

NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.

TEN.. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.

ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.

TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.

THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"

FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

FIFTEEN. Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.

SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson

SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: R espect for self; Respect for others; and responsibility for all your actions.

EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

NINETEEN When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.

TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone.

Hurry UP july

2006-07-12T09:36:00.000-04:00

I'm leaving this morning, headed to V's. I'm somewhat dissapointed that the Pot Shop hasn't materialized into much. I feel like hiding away today, tomorrow......
I haven't done much with my flowers in days. Though I guess it's to be expected. I nearly had a total meltdown yesturday. It's hard being here. We were supposed to be moving into the house at the end of June. hack! Oh well.. hurry up July! I'm really going crazy. I took the neighbor out and about in the late afternoon and she filled my ears about all sorts of things that deal with this house. She is disabled and has everything under the sun wrong with her, she tends to get under my skin, but I try to remember that she cant help how she acts, seeing she's on 15 different meds :/
I did not return home a happy camper. If I had the means and ways I would kick them all out. It's getting late and I have to leave. OHhhh.. one good piece of news .. the man found a job! ...thank GOD. It takes a lot of pressure off. I just pray that it all goes well and that by the end of the month we will have enough money for all the deposits and things we are going to need. It really sucks having to start over, pretty much from scratch...speaking of scratch... no news yet. :( I miss my puddy cat.

Ben Franklin Quote

2006-07-11T22:25:00.000-04:00

Torture is not a Christian Value

2006-07-11T00:07:00.000-04:00

Science

2006-07-10T13:46:00.000-04:00

"And the cause of everything is that which we call God. To know God and live is the same thing. God is Life." (Leo Tolstoy, 1828 - 1910)

Scratch Cat Blues

2006-07-10T13:29:00.001-04:00

Still no sign of Mr. Scratch. I have not lost hope.

Job interview at 3pm

Get out of my house

2006-07-06T00:40:00.001-04:00

Well Goodbye Virginia.

After returning home I decided that it was time for me to go back to south carolina.

Our lease was finally up with Chuck anyway and since he had no intention of fixing the problems that the house had nor removing all his crap we decided to come back down. I've lived in a lot of places and I always manage to end up back here. It's home.

We packed up and finally made it here after a grueling trip in 90 degree weather in a Ford Ranger w no a/c, 2 dogs and one extremely pissed off cat. We managed to pack most of our stuff on the back of the truck. I almost lost my guitar!!! Luckily Rick noticed it dangling from the side, hanging only by a luggage strap as we were about to pass a rest area. Since we arrived I have not been sleeping well and there's a lot of pressure to find jobs and quick.
We were supposed to be in the house at the end of June, now we are looking at the 15th possibly the 24th.

I have my first show coming up at the end of July!

Ended up at v's. It was nice. We sat on the front porch and picked our guitars. What a great way to end this hectic day.

Stella needs some work. She's not sounding herself .. and neither am I.

same dough

2006-07-03T17:48:00.000-04:00

This is a dollar bill I made up for V back in um.... a long long time ago.

Finnegan the squirrel

2006-07-03T01:45:00.000-04:00

For about as long as she can remember, Debby Cantlon says, friends and strangers have brought her animals in need. So it wasn't much of a surprise when someone asked her if she'd care for a newborn squirrel found at the base of a tree somewhere near Renton.

Debby Cantlon, who plans to release Finnegan, the young squirrel, back into the wild, bottle-fed the infant squirrel after it was brought to her house.

When Cantlon took in the tiny creature and began caring for him, she found herself with an unlikely nurse's aide: her pregnant Papillon, Mademoiselle Giselle.

Cantlon and her husband watched as the dog dragged the squirrel's cage twice to her own bedside before she gave birth.

Finnegan was resting in a nest in a cage just days before Giselle was due to deliver her puppies.

Cantlon was concerned, yet ultimately decided to allow the squirrel out and the inter-species bonding began.

Keep reading ....

2006-07-02T22:41:00.000-04:00

Finnegan rides a puppy mosh pit of sorts, burrowing in for warmth after feeding, and eventually working his way beneath his new litter mates

Two days after giving birth, mama dog Giselle allowed Finnegan to nurse; family photos and a videotape show her encouraging him to suckle alongside her litter of five pups.

Now, Finnegan mostly uses a bottle, but still snuggles with his "siblings" in a mosh pit of puppies, rolling atop their bodies and sinking in deeply for a nap.

Finnegan and his new litter mates, five Papillion puppies, get along together as if they were meant to.

Finnegan makes himself at home with his new litter mates, nuzzling nose-to-nose for a nap after feeding.

We should all learn from Finnegan and the gang to get along with one another... no matter what "species" we are ;-)

It's nice to be back

2006-07-01T01:40:00.000-04:00

A lot has happened since I last posted. I am now back in Greenville, for good! I'll explain all of that later. It's been a little hectic..We are at my Mom's intil the house we are renting opens up at the end of July. We have the pups with us and my good friend V has agreed to let Mr. Scratch hang out with her intil we get moved in. The pups have been on thier best behavior. I couldn't be more pleased with them. It's so nice being back home. Already the man is saying how great it is being in a town where people are actually nice. Where folks still wave to each other going down the roads, even if they don't know you. Ahhhh...I finally have my southern hospitality back.

Going Home

2006-05-16T09:49:00.000-04:00

I'm leaving out tonight at 7:20..I'm so ready to get home. I miss my man and my babies. Since Friday I've been having 'man withdrawel'. I had a wonderful time catching up with V and spending time with Mom. We've spent so much time together I think she's ready to kick me out..lol. Our relationship is a lot better. I think mostly due to my age. I'm beginning to understand the importance of maintaining our relationship even when we don't see eye to eye. In my younger days it would be nothing for me to put distance between us. THere was times when I did'nt speak to her for months. I'd like to think she had a good Mother's Day. We did some grilling and my bro came over with his wife. I miss them all. I'm ready to come back home. Besides school there is nothing really holding us in VA. The man needs it, I think. I've come to the conclusion that he's back in his comfort zone and he desperatly needs a good jolt. Things seem to be falling in place, but I'm not going to get my hopes up quite yet. My sister-n-law's Father offered him a job and with the opportunity at the Pot Farm for me.. things are looking up. It seems like this is the direction I've been praying for.....

I didn't get nearly all of the things I wanted to do done while I was here. But isn't that always how a vacation goes? Never enough time. I was really bummed about Savannah. I was looking foward to that so much..I really wanted to see Mr. Dobbers. It's a little weird. It seems like if I stay away too long, it calls me out by name and pulls me towards it. Hopefully before the summer is swept away by Autumn I'll get a chance to go down.

Did I mention I miss my man? I do I do. It's true what they say.. abscence makes the heart grow fonder..or whatever that silly little line is. I'm going to jump his bones the minute I see him. I so need a big fat wet smack.

Well..Not sure when I'll post again.. maybe thursday. Until then- I hope everyone has a great week and God Bless. <3333 CHele

Patriotic

2006-05-13T23:44:00.001-04:00

I love this country

Kid Stuff

2006-05-12T22:13:00.000-04:00

Well I've said it before and this time I mean it. Seems like everytime I attempt to reach out all I get is a virtual slap in the face..I'm wasted on it. (thanks for the new word Mams <3 )

Talked to the man this eventide about this and that. He's miserable and I'm doing 'Kid Stuff'....

I'm really avid to see Mr. Dobbers. We had planned on going down to Savannah as you know. Abercorn pies anyone? I do miss him so. I read a post last night that really got me thinking about old times and since I'm home in my Mom's house it nailed the energy last night. It's been 2 years, no more like three since my last visit. Granddaddy past away and I just happened to be there that weekend. Talk about good timing. Kinda like now with Riverside being torn down......Rick and I had went down to get away and our getting away ended when the blue light went out on Waters Avenue. Through the chaos I forgot to give my star a kiss on the cheeck, and she holds it against me to this day.

*sigh*

I'm getting off track...no more tblog. I'm making yet another effort to stay away. It's just not the same. All the cool people seem to be gone and I just can't find a new circle of love, if ya know what I mean. It's so diversed now. When "A little bit of Soul" was lost I swore up and down I had enough. Then...the new layout which I don't really care for, mucked things all up and I no longer could log in. Mostly I'm just tired of all the self pity and all the my life sucks so why don't I just die..type of stuff. Get the hell over it and move the #$@# on. I throw lots of dirty laundry out there but I don't seek pity. :/

I mentioned the Pot Farm and things are beginning to take shape. V's professor will need a couple of assistants once he starts teaching again and he's going to show her the ropes and then she's going to show me. I'm extremely excited about it. I think that this just might work. I'm checking in tomorrow to find out the status on this house near my moms...it's perfect. Close enough to everything but still out far enough to be able to breath.

I brought the piece over to her this morning. I'm so broke I had to go to the dollar store and buy a cheap frame for it. I got lucky and found one that worked well with the colors. They both gave me the reassurance I so desperatly need at times like this and I am headed back to Virginia with a racing mind and plenty of material to work with. My plan is to have at least 8 pieces done by the end of this month. I thought ahead before I left and spent an entire week smashing. It's almost as if I was getting prepared for this and I didn't even know it. I'll be going home to so much work and I know that I'll have no time for my love...I haven't picked up a piece of charcoal in 2 months. It has been that erratic. now my only thorn is pricing. *bleh*

M...that bus ticket was a blessing, not the hole I orginally thought when I rolled into town Tuesday morning.

I'm going to say goodbye to Riverside at 10am. I know I'm going to cry. You may think that's foolish or maybe even over dramatic. I put a lot of love into that school and those yearbooks. I cherish those memories. when you put so much time into something like that it holds tight and wont let go... At least it hasn't yet. Everytime I open up those yearbooks and see my pictures on the title page and throughout the entire book I feel a sense of accomplishment that no one, not even you, can take away. I just hope they will let me go into the darkroom one last time. I'll sneak in there if I have to. My God, I'm going to ball. The first time I met my girl we sat there in the dark, smoking cigs and passing a bottle of everclear back and forth during lunch in that little room. It was my dark little corner when my world was dark and lonely.. all I had was Ega and an old 35.

RIverside

2006-05-12T00:04:00.002-04:00

Well guys she finally came out and told me more about my half sister, whom I have never met. Her name is Christina.

I had an awesome time at V's we helped her b/f load up the kiln. I was a little dissapointed. We didn't make anything. That was more like work.

It's amazing how much a place can change in such a short period of time. They are tearing down my high school!

Weird to me that I just happen to be here. There's a story there.

Pot Farm

2006-05-10T11:27:00.001-04:00

V is coming at two and we are headed to the Pot Farm. I'm excited to meet her new man. She seems really happy. He owns a pottery shop and we will be spending the afternoon attempting to create our own master pieces.

My Gpa is now 3.5.

Greyhound

2006-05-10T00:25:00.001-04:00

There's a little house for rent near my Mom's........
*sigh*

Being home is good for my soul.

Finals are over!

2006-05-04T19:52:00.001-04:00

I took my last final tonight. I could not be more pleased.

I'm going home!

2006-04-27T17:25:00.001-04:00

I thought about my girl on Earth day and cried most of the following day. I still miss her terribly....time just doesn't cut it sometimes. I've thought about stopping in on her while I'm home but I know I wont have the nerve once I get there.

Sure hope everyone had a good Easter. Things were looking dim here intil we checked the mail on Saturday. My sister-n-law sent us a 50 dollar food card to Food Lion and my dearest and oldest friend sent us 20 bucks..so we had a decent HAM dinner. Gotta love it. Though after some consideration and mostly for health benefits it was the last piece of pork I'll put into my mouth for sometime. I havent had any red meat either..go me.

I'm so glad that spring is here. I spent most of this past weekend picking wild flowers.

I'm heading down to Greenville on the 8th.

Angel Mine

2006-04-27T17:17:00.000-04:00

He searched for those wings that he knew
that this angel should have at her back.

And although he can't find them
he really don't mind
because he knows they'll grow back.

And he reached for that halo that he knows
that she had when she first caught his eye.

Although his hand came back empty
he's really not worried
'cause he knows it still shines.

I can't promise that I'll grow those wings
or keep this tarnished halo shined,
but I'll never betray your trust
angel mine.

I search all the time on the ground
for our shadows cast side by side.

Just to remind me that I haven't gone crazy
that you exist and are mine.

And I know that your skin is as warm and as real
as that smile in your eyes,
But I have to keep touching and smelling
and tasting for fear it's all lies

I can't promise that I'll grow those wings
or keep this tarnished halo shined
but I'll never betray your trust
angel mine

Last night I awoke from the deepest of sleeps
with your voice in my head,

And I could tell by your breathing
that you were still sleeping and
I repeated those words that you had said

I can't promise that I'll grow those wings
or keep this tarnished halo shined
but I'll never betray your trust
angel mine

CJ

My Cup Runneth Over

2006-04-20T14:17:00.000-04:00

Primatine Mist is evil

2006-04-05T15:36:00.001-04:00

I had to take Rick the hospital. He overdosed on Primaitine Mist, It's been a crazy around here lately. The doctors and nurses that saw him all said that the stuff should be taken off the markets. People have actually died from taking it. So no one use that crap! Plus his blood pressure was high. We sat up there all weekend and played cards when he wasn't sleeping and watching tv. I can't wait to get the bill! Niether one of us have insurance.

I'm a bear when I dont have my sleep. I felt a little bad for thinking it was all an act. Sometimes I really miss the mark. However I still feel incline to believe that it started that way. He just made it a lot worse. I felt obligated to get the house in complete order though and spent all day Monday cleaning and scrubbing and cleaning some more. I messed my back up by pulling and lifting so much. I rearranged the entire living room by myself and redecorated the bedroom.

I do believe in the time between now and my last post I started and have already quit "JoAnns". It's a fabric store.

No backing down

2006-03-30T16:20:00.001-05:00

I'm back this week at school. I had a great week to gather my thoughts and I'm ready to get this semester finished.

Life was so much easier when it was just me and my ghosts and the cat.

Just Another Day

2006-03-16T16:22:00.001-05:00

The man is out and about today. He had 2 interviews this afternoon. Wish him luck, he needs it. I found out from my Mom today that she is sending me a bus ticket to come down and enjoy a weekend at the beach in Charlestown. I can't wait. I sooo need a good vacation. It wont be long but long enough to get away for awhile. I soooooo need that.. did I mention that already? huh, huh? ... well i do. :P

Things have been a little better with the man. I know that a lot of times I portray him as a real big jerk, but I do love him. He makes my face light up. I love too much about him to hate him... dissapointed is a much better word. I just wish he would be the man I know that he truly is.. I know that sounds so overused cheeeesssy. But it's the truth.

Greenville I Love You

2006-03-01T19:20:00.001-05:00

It always starts out the same. I dream about an evening that actually happened. That LONG ass drive home from Urishi, where I tell him that there's gotta be something more out there for me, and then him telling me that I'm an immature little girl. *sigh* In this dream though I go to his apartment afterward and he overdoses on some kind of drugs and passes out. The rest of the dream is me trying to convince the doctor to save him, that he's a good man, that he did not mean to take the drugs...right as I was waking up the doctor told me he did not make it and that it wasn't the drugs that killed him, it was me.. I woke up crying my eyes out.
It's funny how time twists things around. For a long time I didn't realize what he was getting at, in the car that night. He was trying to tell me not to go out west, that everything I needed was right there, .. with him. I was too young, too stupid, too blind....too..
There's no way I would change anything. Whats done is done. It's hard though, thinking that I let something so perfect slip right thru my hands. I'm glad that I am no longer that little girl. At that age I thought I knew it all, who doesn't right? How stupid

Learn to lick it :)

2006-02-28T02:36:00.001-05:00

I had another dream about Adam. This time the dream starts off with a friend of mine and myself driving down Wade Hampton, back home. In this particular dream I'm trying to make it home. We stopped driving and I got out. We found ourselves in the middle of a sermon inside a church. I tell my friend to wait while I go to the bathroom. As I'm walking down the aisle I suddenly realize I have no top on. I remember thinking 'what are they gonna think of me now?' I enter the bathroom and go inside the first stall. I then see a man come in and I try to shut and lock the door but it wont stay shut. I quickly do my business and leave. He follows me outside and I start to get nervous. I go outside and there's tons of people running around screaming. There were comets or something falling out of the sky and I try to find some place to hide. I go inside this half torn building and as I'm peeking my head out to see what's going on the preacher is throwing grenades at the people. I try to hide but as he passes me he throws one at my feet and I suddenly realize I can fly so I fly away. I end up further down the Wade Hampton and I cant find my friend. I start walking and my legs feel like 50 pound weights. I have a hard time walking and I remember thinking to myself that I have to get to school. All of a sudden my Mom pulls up and who's in the car with her? Adam.
He gets out and sits on a bench and waits for me to walk over. I pull out a picture of him when he was just a boy and show him. I tell him how cute he was and I sit down next to him and lay my head on his shoulder. He then kisses me and tells me that he has to go meet up with someone. I get into the car with him and my Mom and we drive down the street. We let him out and I wave goodbye. He grabs my hand and tells me to meet him further down the road. Then all of a sudden I'm back in my friends car with her and we are once again trying to make it down Wade Hampton. As we are driving I think to myself I'm finally going to make it. Then the car breaks down and we end up having to walk again. Through out the entire dream I have a hard time walking, my every move is difficult. We then end up in another friends home and they show us to a room where we can sleep and my friends mother tells me to make sure I open the windows. We climb into bed and I fall asleep and dream I run into some old school friends. We all walk together down the street and all of a sudden we all end up on a pirate ship. We get on board and I see the preacher with the grenades. I push my friends onto the plank and we jump into the water. Then as we all swim to shore I see my husband standing there, smiling.. waving me toward him. As I approach him I see Adam and I remember thinking 'oh no..what's Adam going to think??????????.......The dream ends with me walking up to Adam and him giving me a huge hug and telling me he'll see me again soon. I stand there watching him walk away. It seemed like forever. I then turn around and my husband is there, waiting. We grab hands and start walking toward the water. That's when I woke up...... anyway.

Wanted to get that down before I forgot it all. I actually woke up early today and got out the door at a reasonable time to get to school to find out...that the class was canceled. That crap is really starting to tick me off. WHY cant they email me or call??? I'll be so glad when this semester is over and I can take a break.

I just dont get it

2006-02-26T05:56:00.001-05:00

six a.m. and I have yet to go to bed.

The man is snoring soooooo loud I can't get to sleep. He only snores when he's been drinking and it drives me crazy.
He came home from his buddies house around 11 and was 2 sheets to the wind. He knows how I feel about him drinking and driving, yet he still does it. His bud sent him home with a six pack too, what a friend.

I just don't get it. All I ask is for him to bring it home. Is that too much?...seems to be. I've tried putting my foot down. No use. I'm out of ideas. I care too much to see him hurt himself or even worse, somebody else.

Goodbye Barney

2006-02-25T21:17:00.001-05:00

I woke up today from a dream about my Dad. So, as you could probably already guess, I've been a mental case all day. In the dream he was sitting in a chair. I was not there with him but I could see him there. He called me and told me that he was going to Tennessee and that my Uncle Robert would be coming to pick him up. I've been trying all day to figure out what it means. *sigh* I miss him so much. Will it ever get easier?

I talked to my Mom today. She had the grandkids over so the conversation was 'hectic' to say the least. Ivy is ten now. It seems like just yesterday....

Barney Died

I have nothing to do this fine evening. The man went to his friends house. I wish he would hurry up and come home. We had a good talk the other day. He seems to understand how I'm feeling, finally. He's promised to get things back in order. We'll see. I really want to believe in him, he just makes it so damn hard.
Throw me a bone, throw me anything.. I'll bite.

Working on a new poem about mystery

Trash

2006-02-24T21:31:00.001-05:00

I woke up to a mess this morning. The folks across the street have a dog that keeps getting past his 'invisible fence'. Is it just me, or are those electric fences cruel? Anyway he has been getting loose and terrorizing my yard. I walked out this morning to a frontyard full of trash.
My trash.
He dragged the majority of it back into his own yard. I was mad but I also realized if the trash wasn't there he wouldn't have been such a bad dog! So .. who's fault?

This evening as the sun was setting I was out there picking it all up. By this time the wind from all day had blown it EVERYWHERE. It took 2 trash bags. I ended up getting all of it up on the road and even in my neighbors ditch up about 4 yards onto their property. I did this because I felt like it was the 'nieghborly' thing to do and there's no telling what he stole! I don't like the idea of the folks across the street knowing my business. My husband thinks I'm crazy ?
Marriage at times can be a hard hard thing.

I plan on getting the laundry done this fine Friday evening...the only plans i'm committing to. The man wants to travel to DC tomorrow and visit his friend. Yah .. the one I can't stand. I told him I would think about it but we all know what that really means.

2006-02-24T16:52:00.000-05:00

I've been bouncing around a lot. My mind never stops.
Even at night my mind is churning and whirling.

There's something about to land on my head. I can feel it.
Since losing Dad, my world has stopped.

The High Life

2006-02-23T02:57:00.001-05:00

I'm so not looking forward to tomorrow. 10 hours is way too long. Next semester I'll have to make sure not to double up classes like that. It's killllllling me.
I'm going out tomorrow during my break and lining up some interviews.
wish me luck.

Oh well. Nothing happened this week, at all. :/ ....lightening up on the dirty laundry, :) I've thrown in the towel.

I'm making progess in my quest for a smoke free body :) I only had 8 today. That may, or may not sound like a lot of cigs to a non-smoker but take my word for it... it's not that many. At one time, back in the day, I was smoking 2 packs. *pats self on back* *good chele*

I managed to drop my phone in the toilet today. After dropping it, it dawned on me as I sat there staring down at it, that it couldn't have landed in a better place. I'm getting so tired of the stress involved with that damn phone. You may be saying to yourself...stress? what? it's a phone for crying out loud. Well let me tell you my friend, that particluar phone was from the devil. I'm convinced.

It no longer works. Which is fine with me.

I stayed away from the news and read 3 chapters in my history book. wheeeeeeeew. tiresome. I'm really enjoying the class.

A good long cry

2006-02-21T04:46:00.001-05:00

I felt the weight of the world tonight. I had one of those evenings when my heart was just a little too big and everything seemed hopeless. A long road we have traveled and for what? It just doesn't seem fair. We are weak. That is our downfall. It's an evil place, this world in which we live. I sat and cried tonight for an hour. I couldn't stop myself. I have to be honest, it felt good. It had been a long time since I had a good long cry.

Since my Father passed away I have found myself asking myself what he might have thought about this or that. Whatever the situation might be I can normally relate to something he may have said or told me. I do not know why I do this. Perhaps it's just me torturing myself. The pain of losing him is still fresh and ... well it's not easy somedays. I can always hear him. As if it were yesterday....

In the last few years, I have found in myself, a conservative that I never knew was there. Stranger things have happened, I'm sure. My husband says I'm a republican that finally came out of the closet. ha. I have shifted some on my views, I admit. A little budge from the man was also influential. I just have to wonder what my Dad must be thinking. He was a Democrat. He was a marine, he was a Father and a friend too many; almost in that order. His blood boiled over politics. Many a night we sat around and talked for hours. I miss those days. I told my husband if he was still alive I would still agree with him, tell him he was right, and give him a big hug...

Trio

2006-02-20T19:32:00.002-05:00

What a day. I woke up late, as usual and rushed out the door so I wouldnt be late for class. I made it to Admissions and was able to get by the Trio office to 'check
in. Trio is a program at school for 1st generation students It's pretty neat. They do all sorts of stuff through the school year. There's a trip to Washington next month I signed up for today. Class went well considering. My 2nd exam in next Wednesday. I tried to get him to have the test on Monday but the majority of the class wanted it that way. I hate having test in the middle of the week. I'd much rather take them on Monday...

I thought I saw you today driving down the road. I knew it wasn't you but I could not help but entertain the thought of coming home to find you waiting there for me.
To take me away, ....

Fried Chicken

2006-02-20T03:11:00.001-05:00

This weekend proved fruitless. I did nothing. I ended up crashing around 2pm last night after staying awake for nearly 40 hours. Piece of cake. Did manage to get the kitchen cleaned, spotless, so I did so a little something. The rest of the weekend consisted of Algebra.

He's really starting to worry me. After this week if he doesnt have a you know what I am going out to get one. Why cant he fly straight? I wrote him a nice little letter on our weblog but I know he will not read it. He hasnt looked at that since we moved here.

2006-02-18T05:58:00.000-05:00

I have not been able to sleep.
I have tried.

What am I waiting for?
The color of the sky is gray,
as far as I can see.

It's my moment.
Right now.

*sigh*

The man did bring home Carl. I lost my cool for all of 3 mintues...
Then I was a bitch and made them both sit there and watch a movie.
SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Why are men so clingy when they are drinking? or is it just my man?
It drives me nuts. If it were a normal evening he would be doing his thing and I would be doing mine. When he's drinking he's bothering me every 5 mintues, literally.
I used to think it was flattering to a degree. I have a different opinion now.
Somedays I would like to fly away.
It does not matter where....
Just away.

It's hard to breath

A long Nap

2006-02-17T21:12:00.001-05:00

We ended up watching a movie after we talked for about an hour. We talked about the past, with John. Not that there was ever a past but we talked about all the snooping that went on in the house on Parker Road. It hurts my feelings that he still doubts me. I tried to tell him that somewhere deep down he still has a doubt or two. He says no... but i know he does. I have never done anything to hurt my husband. Why cant he see that? Oh well. He's gone now to Dawns. He should be back anytime. I sure hope he does not come back with Carl. That would be the worst possible thing tonight. The man has a drinking problem and has said some very rude things to me. Rather he realizes it or not. It is hard for me hanging out with 2 drunks. I get so lonely when he's here. I lose an evening and I lose my husband. SOunds good eh?

Half A World Away

2006-02-16T03:48:00.000-05:00

This could be the saddest dusk
I’ve ever seen
Turn to a miracle
High alive
My mind is racing
As it always will
My hand is tired, my heart aches
I’m half a world away here
My head sworn
To go it alone
And hold it along
Haul it along
And hold it
Go it alone
Hold it along and hold, hold

This lonely deep sit hollow
I’m half a world
Half the world away
My shoes are gone
My life spent
I had too much to drink
I didn’t think
And I didn’t think of you
I guess that’s all I needed
To go it alone
And hold it along
Haul it along
And hold it
Blackbirds, backwards, forwards and fall and hold, hold

Oh, this lonely world is wasted
Pathetic eyes high alive
Blind to the tide that turns the sea
This storm it came up strong
It shook the trees
And blew away our fear
I couldn’t even hear

To go it alone
And hold it along
Haul it along
And hold it
To go it alone
And hold it along
Haul it along
To go it alone
And hold it along
Haul it along
And hold it
Blackbirds, backwards, forwards, and fall and hold hold

This could be the saddest dusk
I’ve ever seen
Turn to a miracle
High alive
My mind is racing
As it always will
My hands tired, my heart aches
I’m half a world away and go